Catching the signal from one of her friends, Bianca brushed her skirt, took a deep breath and walked towards where he was sitting. She hid a sneer with an over exaggerated smile as she skipped toward him.
"Hey, Jadon!" she exclaimed, taking a seat next to him on the cold as ice burgs cement steps. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this. She never thought she'd have the guts to pull such a mean trick on someone. It was okay, though. He deserved it for all those times he teased and tricked us teens. His pranks were so numerous she wasn't even able to keep count. It all started one day in second grade. They were eating lunch and he had replaced her sandwich with a bag of dirt- she would never forget that day.
"Hey, Bianca," he smiled at her, looking up from his book.
"So what did you think of my vignette?" she asked, desperate for ways to distract him enough to where he wouldn't look to his right where her devious friends were pranking him.
Confusion started to surface in his light brown, copper-toned, mud puddle eyes.
"Uh. It was good," he replied, "Did you like mine?"
I smiled, trying to look relaxed. Her hair danced across her shoulder, proceeding to tickle her cheek. She shivered, freezing in the icy weather, longing for her friends to speed up their devious act...
I love how you used people from our classes names because it helped me to relate to the story. You had great figurative language and a great use of alliteration. The literary devices were not forced in your piece. My favorite part of all was when you wrote:
ReplyDeletedesperate for ways to distract him enough to where he wouldn't look to his right where her devious friends were pranking him.
I really liked when you said "cold as iceberg steps" it really reminded me of the steps outside of our school :D
ReplyDeleteOh my god, why did you leave it in suspense!?! Well, I liked how you used actually people in our class. I also liked how you put in a lot of flashback in your story to make us understand the story.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you used the flashback to get more relationship between jadon and bianca
ReplyDeleteI liked how you used real people in your blog it made it more real.
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